and i looked up. we had an audience...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
