You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
