Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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