I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
