It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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