Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
