Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
