Where is the hickey?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
