it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
