Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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