Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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