I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
