so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Send help, water and tortillas.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
