I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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