if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
