Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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