A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
