I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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