Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
