when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
