is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
