Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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