I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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