Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
