Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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