she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
