I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
