so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
