It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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