He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
