and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
