I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
