3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
