I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
