I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm having to shit out rocks
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