Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
So apparently I’m into choking now
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
