i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
