I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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