I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
