if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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