I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
