Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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