hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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