I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
