I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
