There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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