he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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