This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize