I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
