I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
