I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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