Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
