"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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