Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize