No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
