I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
