there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
