you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
