he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
