I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
