So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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