i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
