she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
