"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
