perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize